Gutted. It was my decision, to save myself before it’s too late and I end up tolerating things I never usually would just because of the sheer amount of adoration I had for him.

It hurts, alot. And the fact I smoked myself silly last night and I am left with an inability to speak on 2 hours of sleep that I managed to squeeze in when I finally gave up drinking at 9.30 this morning, is not helping the situation. I could have chose a better day for myself to make this decision but there you go.

I only wanted him for a very long time, and never let anyone else too close because I didnt want anything else. So now I have no male  I feel relieved. I can forget what loose ties I had before. I can try my best to forget about him as quickly as possible and I can start again with a clean slate.

This time round, i’m not going to bother giving attention I know i’m not truly intrested in, just because I don’t think I can cope without it. I can cope without it, and I don’t want to start looking right now. My friends, family and new china expedition are what I need to concentrate on.

Keep this off the record, but I miss him already. That’s the end of it.